Saturday, October 3, 2009

The negotiations

Johan: Hello, Johan Bruyneel, Team Radio Shack

Michael: Hi, this is Michael Gorman, you were supposed to get back with me about my contract for 2010 with the new Radio Shack Team. I was supposed to help out on the spring classics.

Johan: Um, yeah, Sorry Michael, Um, I forgot.

Michael: I‘d just like to know where we stand before I break my contract with Orrville Cycling and Fitness.

Johan: Well, it doesn’t look very promising at the moment, we just signed Steegman’s for the spring classics and the Tour De France.

Michael: So, what are you trying to say?

Johan: Um, we have no money left to sign you on with the team.

Michael: Isn’t Lance racing for free again?

Johan: No, he is a paid rider on this team, that free ride was just with Astana to prove he was still at the top.

Michael: Maybe you are paying him too much?

Johan: NO, he is getting what he deserves, not a penny less.

Michael: Are you sure it’s a money issue and you‘re not blowing smoke up my…?

Johan: Too be honest? There are no money issues, there are too many issues with you.

Michael: Issues with me? Like what?

Johan: For starters? We’re not getting you a box of donuts before every race.

Michael: Darn, what a crock, bagels are tough and doughy, you waste too much energy trying to chew them.

Johan: And the we are not replacing the cokes with Mountain Dew. That’s all we need is a bunch of nuts racing elbow to elbow hopped up on caffeine!

Michael: Why not, caffeine isn’t on the banned substance list!!

Johan: For get it! And another thing, Luigi refuses to make fried chicken, pizza and beer battered fish for pre or post race meals.

Michael: WHAT? Those are staple foods! Are you guys a bunch of Panera Bread Panzies or what? I’ll bet Ekimov doesn’t eat that stuff.

Johan: We eat to perform on this team, not for pleasure.

Michael: How can you perform eating that stuff?

Johan: Now you know why you got you butt kicked at Nationals.

Michael: HEY, I’m allowed a bad day every now and then.

Johan: Look Pal, you had a bad year too! Besides, we don’t have any “Clydesdale” equipment, you need to lose weight. You’ll crush our wheel sets and bend out seat rails.

Michael: BULL, I’m just big boned!

Johan: Look Pork Chop, Andre the Giant was big boned, 195 is too big.

Michael: What about Magnus Backstead?

Johan: He’s good, you’re old. Besides, he has a cool name too.

Michael: Some Dude calls me the Gorminator? I have no clue why either, but it sounds cool.

Johan: Gorminator? Sound like something a flimflam man would sell for $19.95 and they’ll throw in a 2nd for free if you call now!!!

Michael: Don’t quit your day job pal, the crickets are chirping.

Hello? Hello? The punk hung up on me! Hmm, 9 o’clock, I still have time to swing past Liebermann’s Bakery for a cream stick before the club ride. I wonder if Bob Baker wants me to pick one up for him too? Ah man, my seat is bent again….